I really feel compelled to write this post today. All I’m really going to be doing is sharing some thoughts on events leading up to the last few days in my life. It might be a difficult post to write, or perhaps the words will flow smoothly like a steam train’s smokestack with more than enough steam to carry it through at a gentle pace for a hundred miles or more. I say the post may be difficult to write because even at the best of times, I’m not the easiest girl to get along with and, depending on the friends or acquaintances I have around me, I do not share personal feelings easily.
The post may be easy to write because I’m writing anonymously, and whether you share your own thoughts with me or not in the Comments field, we are not likely to ever get to know each other on a level normally associated with conventional face to face friendship. So let the games begin and let the words flow. What am I writing about today, well, the theme is friendship, and the sub-theme of faith deals with matters of the heart that I’m dealing with right now.
I’m not sure if anyone of the readers here recall earlier posts in which I made mention of the fact that I’m moving house in the next few weeks or month. I’m still tempted to move back to Brooklyn, mainly because it’s familiar territory for me and on my old stomping grounds are old friends and acquaintances that are likely to remember me from the old days. While they will remember me, I will have some difficulty recognizing some of them. While I haven’t aged much in the last ten years or so, most of them have had their kids, become quite flabby and packed in quite a few wrinkles.
If one thing has changed, well two things really, it is this. I’ve lost a lot of weight in the last year or so. In the main, I’m a positive girl, so I am not inclined to elaborate on my weight loss in recent times. In fact, going forward and with the right spades full of faith, I am likely to become healthier in body, heart, soul and mind. I am in unchartered territory if (or should that be when) the New Jersey guy phones me up and says; come on over and move in with us. It feels like many years since my college days and my first formative working years when I shared a dorm room and apartment with anyone.
Living in the dorm was great fun back then. But sharing apartments, well, on just two occasions, I didn’t enjoy it that much. Again, thinking only positive thoughts, I’m not going to dwell on that either. When it comes to making important decisions, the process can become quite difficult. In this case, my decision-making is pertinent. On the emotional side, there’s a great opportunity to make friends with folks much older and, I would assume, much wiser than me.
The thing is this; I’ve never lived with old folks before. But in this Jersey scenario and on the practical and material side, everything swings in my favor. The thought processes here are also a bit challenging because I’m trying not to build up too much hope on this. At the end, though, making a quick decision to go to Jersey instead of Brooklyn, I think, will be easier. I love my old neighborhood and also enjoy all the new changes and landscapes, cultural, architectural and otherwise, that have been made throughout the neighborhood.
But I’m not keen on hooking up with old, familiar faces. Call it a case of mixing with the wrong crowd back then, but I’m not about to return to old, bad habits and surround myself with men and women, through no fault of their own I have to say, who may contribute towards reinvigorating negative vibes and sour memories. And besides, there’s actually very little I have in common with them. There’s also nada on the emotional side. Back to the Jersey side, looking ahead bravely and with optimism, where friendship is concerned, there are only opportunities.
And I’m not even talking about the old folks here. I expect quite correctly that a safe and peaceful distance will be kept to ensure that sharing the living space, and there’s plenty of it there, will be a peaceful affair. But, as always and as is human, I have doubts still. No comment on this either. What I’m thinking about in terms of new opportunities is the fact that it’s quite likely that I can acquaint myself with likeminded women around the neighborhood and in the city.
Having things in common and sharing similar values makes the process of hitching up with new friends a little easier. But all in all, it’s still on a new terrain that I’m entering the realm of the unknown. What is really needed here is a great leap of faith. It’s necessary now seeing as though while I remain naturally tentative I want to go through this process. What comes from having faith in others really? Trust? And from there on? I’ve not had much experience with this, so it’s always going to be a whole new ballgame. We’ll have to wait and see.